One mom’s story of our family’s journey finding out we’re on Autistic Spectrum.
A series on how we are navigating through being newly diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome.
April is Autism Awareness month – with that I want to share how Autism has touched us over the next four weeks. To show support for the millions of families living with and loving someone who has autism, please light up your blog/Facebook blue to share your support.
If you know our family, you know that we’re a bit of an off-the-wall bunch. If you’ve ever met Bubba – a.k.a. Big Brother, you know he’s a lil’ bit more eclectic than the rest of us. He’s uber smart – like rocket-scientist smart – but he has always had “something” different about him.
Two weeks ago I had to make a horrible, heart-shattering decision that no mom ever wants to make. We have long thought (since he was 4-years old) that Bubba was bipolar – the doctors, the therapists, our family history all lead us to that conclusion. If you have someone in your life that suffers from mood disorders, you know that every day is challenge.
He had been suffering with depression for some time and it finally came to the point where, with the help of his therapist, we sat down and discussed checking him into an inpatient program. Bubba said to his therapist that he wanted help – that he didn’t want to feel that way any more. It was time to take him to the local hospital that specialized in these types of things.
I suffered for weeks before about the decision – I knew what needed to happen, but it didn’t change the fact that it made me feel like the worst mother on the planet. I cried through the talking with the therapist; I cried on the drive over; I cried through the intake process. No matter what anyone told me, it still didn’t make the decision any easier. But we got Bubba checked in and up to his unit to meet the doctors and staff that would be caring for him while he was there.
So many of the kids on the unit were there for reasons that I could never understand at their age – depression, anxiety, suicidal attempts, anger issues. I was terrified that Bubba wasn’t in the right place. The staff assured me that he was in the right hands and that the help he needed would be right there when he needed it. And with that I was unceremoniously escorted to the elevator, without even a “good-bye” from Bubba. I went out to the car, sat there and cried my eyes out – not the Julia Roberts pretty cry either – before I headed home to see Mini-Me.
The next morning, I had a brief meeting with Dr. B – Bubba’s psychiatrist while he was inpatient. I went into his office and before I could sit down in the chair, Dr. B said to me: “This is going to sound like a crazy question, but has anyone ever suggested that Bubba might have Asperger’s Syndrome?” I BURST into blubbering, bawling sobs. Dr. B said that he and the staff felt strongly, based on their observations, that he was a classic Asperger’s kid, but they had some evaluations that had to be done to confirm it before he could concretely say it was.
At this point, I reached out to my bloggie friends to see if anyone had any resources – and I was supported with the most loving out-pouring of help & encouragement. From here I started the information gathering and assimilating – understanding what the diagnosis meant, where to go to get the help, what it means for our family.
This is a new journey for us – and we will be sharing our experience as we travel this road. Over the course of the next few weeks, I’ll share our history, what we went through that got us to this point and the ups & downs of getting everything we need to help Bubba.
About Mom-me
Thank you so much for sharing this. Your son is so lucky to have such a sensitive and supportive mother. I can only think of the countless others who are in your position and will benefit from reading your story.
BIG HUGS.
I know that feeling and that cry, having once twice had to use an inpatient program with one of my children. It is a gut wrenching pain that does ease with time, but still haunts me. I know very little about Asperger’s but if you just ever need a hand to hold, message me and I will be there for you!
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Thank you for sharing your story. I look forward to reading the rest over the coming weeks. You are clearly a caring, wonderful mother. Sometimes, doing what our kids need the most is so hard.
Thank you for sharing your story! My heart is filled with empathy and support for you and your family.
Thanks Charity for sharing!!! I can’t imagine how difficult this news is for you and your family. Thoughts, HUGS and prayers!
Thank you Charity for sharing your story! I know it’s so hard to go through this but we’re all here to support you. You are a great mother — don’t ever doubt that. Hopefully from here, it will be an easier road at least knowing what you’re dealing with. Lots of virtual hugs!
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Thanks for the words of encouragement! It’s never easy… and is this helps one family get what they need, I will feel much better for having gone through it. This week’s post will be about how I “just knew” something was different about him from the beginning. It’s hard when you go through it to remember: you aren’t the only one, other’s have gone through this too… I’m glad to see that I have a great support system in you ladies.
I wish I could hug you right now, Charity. You are a strong woman and your kids are perfectly perfect in every way. I’m sorry you’ve had some challenges in finding the best care for your son but it sounds like every step along your journey has led you in the right direction. Looking forward to hearing more and supporting you and your family as you begin the next stage in this chapter.
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Powerful post, Charity. Kudos to you for your strength & courage to write about it. You will help others with your documentation of this challenging, difficult process. Hugs and love to you as you start this new chapter with Bubba. He is lucky to have such a loving, supporting, nurturing mom. xoxo
You are an amazing woman and mother, Charity. You’ve been so strong through all of this, and I am glad that you have finally turned to your community for the support you’ve been needing. I’m also glad that you are sharing your story, because there are so many that are going through similar things, if not EXACTLY what you are, and could use some support, even just knowing they are not alone! Chin up, Lovey…and whatever you need, please…JUST ASK!
Sorry that you cant handle your own child, but really? I’ve never even heard of this Autism shit as I grew up. I’m only 25 and have a “less than perfect” childhood. Or as most parent’s today, they wouldn’t even consider it a childhood worth going through. It’s not quite been hellacious. But I’ve hung on and learned a lot through the “experiences” I’ve had as a child. Yes some kid’s just can’t concentrate or whatever, but 99% of it is parenting. You really shouldn’t baby your kids forever. They need to learn on their own. They need world experiences. They need to have bad experiences to make them stronger. If your kid has “Aspergers” then you’ve done something wrong as a parent. You’ve clearly closed doors for them in the past because your scared of the outcome. Let your kids have experience. I am by no means saying let them run wild and do whatever the hell they want, But they need to experience life. There weren’t any of these new “issues” with children when I was a kid, and I’m not old. It’s yuppie shit. This whole dyslexic, asbergers, among other things has been a load of bullshit. no wonder why everyone in America dies younger than most of the rest of the world. If you really want to live longer, stop eating fast food and exercise. I guarantee(along with every single doctor you will ever see) will back that up. Most mental issues are directly related to the parenting style.
Wow. Just wow. Have you ever done your research on what Aspergers or Autism is? I know you are just 25 and have a lot to learn, but before you spout off about how someone parents you should do your research.
Aspergers and Autism are not related to how someone parents. They are disabilities that are genetic, not learned. My nephew was diagnosed at 5 years old with Aspergers and as his brain continued to develop (because you DO DEVELOP AS YOU GROW OLDER) his disability increased to a low level of Autism. His mother kept him in a public school and not in Special Ed. He played varsity water polo and took karate. She made sure he lived a normal life YET his DISABILITY is still with him.
As a parent (which by the sound of your comment you are not) you will do whatever it takes to first educate yourself on the disability your child had. As a parent you have to learn to adjust and change your world in order to provide the necessary support for your child. As a parent you lean on those who have been through or are going through the same experience to learn how to HELP your child.
Shame on you for criticizing a mother who is simply reaching out for help.
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ignorance is bliss.. i just hope you never have to deal with something so hard.. and if you do people support you and not make things harder.
Really, and where’d you get your degree to back up your claims? You should have used asshat as your comment name.
It must have been frustrating, Mom-Me, to feel like something wasn’t quite right but not be able to figure out what it was. I’m so sorry it took so long to find a diagnosis and I hope things get better from here. Ignore the haters and do what YOU as mom knows is best for him. You know we’re all right here if you need anything.
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The ignorance and blatant disregard for another person’s feelings are overwhelming from the inconsiderate commenter.
I think someone else’s parents had a lapse in parenting skills when establishing compassion and ettiquette in a certain 25 year old.
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Assburgers, in your “less than perfect” childhood your parents must have also failed to teach you the golden rule: if you don’t have anything nice to say, say nothing at all. This family is obviously going through a rough time and while everyone is entitled to their opinion, a little more sensitivity would have been nice.
Mom-me, thank you for opening up about this journey. Many people can learn from it and you are showing how strong of a mommy you are.
Wow, this is incredibly ignorant.
Charity, my nephew was diagnosed at 5 years old with Aspergers. As he got older more disabilities developed … regression of fine motor skills, thyroid issues, etc. His condition was elevated to the lowest grade of Autism. He is now 18 years old, graduated from high school where he played varsity water polo, is attending a local community college and living at home. His mother (my cousin/sister) fought the school district to make sure he had a normal childhood, but with the additional support. She never gave up and it became her life. She now works for the school district in evaluation and case submission for students with disabilities. If you want me to connect you with her I can. She is an amazing resource and very supportive. Hang in there. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. Stay strong and when you don’t feel like you have the strength this amazing network of women are here to be strong for you.
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Thanks Nicole… we’re apparently late to the game. According to the what most resources have said, it’s typically caught around 5-7 with 11 being extremely late – so hitting almost 16 before it being addressed. We’ve had a fairly normal childhood – participation in Boy Scouts, attendance on 8th grade trip to DC, summer camps and social groups. But it was when we hit HS that we really saw the struggle begin. I’m all for normalcy – no mother wants a child with special needs, but we bear the gift we were given. I’m confident that when he is bigger than Bill Gates or Mark Zuckerberg, he will make sure that idiots spewing stupidity are promptly put in their place.
Mom-me. WOW! Great post, and thank you for having the courage to share it. It’s heartbreaking to hear the ailments of children. I have never heard of Aspergers until this year, and am still fairly unfamiliar to it. I wish you all the best in your journey to finding healing for your little boy.
Assburger, do you feel better about yourself? Whether you believe in childhood diseases or not, you can at least see/read the pain and torment this woman is going through. Yes, I too often think that society as a whole has gotten a little soft when it comes to raising our children. However, that never gives me the right to berate or judge another woman for how she raises her child(ren) or the beliefs that she has. Bottom line is that, most of us, are trying to do what’s best when it comes to raising our children in a world full of constant struggle and uncertainty.
Also, ASS, I’m not shy to controversial posts or speaking my mind. It is our right, correct? However, next time you do so at least have the integrity to back up your words. You post here leaving no link back to who or where you are in the virtual world. Hiding behind your computer screen. I’m sure by speaking your mind you were not only trying to express your feelings on such matters, but also raise a little distaste and controversy yourself. Bravo, I’m sure to some you’ve done that. I read your comment and see nothing but an illeducated coward lacking the balls to step up and take responsibility for you words.
Our youngest son was diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome when he was in Middle School. He’s in college now. He’s been a challenge, to be sure. He still is, in some respects. But he, like your son, is super smart and will, eventually, figure things out to the point where he will be able to function on his own and independently. It just means he’s going to be ‘ours’ for a little longer than his older brothers were. But that’s okay. That’s really okay – and so is he.
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((((((((Big Hugs!!))))))
Don’t let the haters get to you!
Thank you for sharing your journey, so that others can benefit from your experiences.
My love, you are bound sweetly in the embrace of friends…and they have come to support you and protect you when you need it most. Leave the negative behind, and move forward with only optimism, letting us help you along the way. Do not engage yourself, nor waste your energy on unpleasantries…you have a much more important task to tend to…raising an amazing boy into an amazing man.
Nothing but love and hugs and a multitude of optimism being sent your way.
Hey Assburgers- do you actually KNOW Mom-Me in real life? I do. She is a wonderful, hard working, dedicated mom who works her a$$ off to make sure her kids have the best. She 100% sacrifices herself for her children. This process has been heart-wrenching for her and she has faced it all with the kind of courage we should ALL admire.
Makes me wonder…what, did you read this post and make a judgement based on your very young, flawed view on society? Do you have children? Do you have any idea what mental illness is? Would you tell a mother of a child with leukemia that she was a terrible mother? Just like cancer, Aspbergers is an ILLNESS.
More, maybe your insanely ignorant comment is backed by the fact that YOU have a mental illness and you live in denial. That would actually make sense to me. If that’s the case, I am sorry you don’t have the guts to help yourself with your own mental illness. As others have pointed out, you don’t even have the guts to post your name on your comment.
Mom-Me- trolls are the greatest of compliments.
You are amazing- you continue to be an inspiration for all moms. I am lucky to know you personally, and hope if the time comes for me to make hard parenting decisions, I can do so with the strength and courage you’ve exhibited. xoxo
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You might find a kindred spirit in my friend Julia: http://kidneysandeyes.com/ Her son was also in a facility due to suicidal thoughts at a pretty young age, and it was hard for her too. She’s totally awesome and a great person to reach out to!
Thanks Cecily… I’ll give her a look-see. Bubba wasn’t suicidal so much as he was despondent (I know that sounds odd for a teen, but it is what he was…) We were told it was a mood disorder for so long, that when we finally got a more accurate diagnosis – it was like a light went off. The unfortunate aspect of all of this is that most times these types of syndromes/disorders are co-morbid with things like depression, OCD, ADD and others. So it was masked by the mood issues.
Wow, some people have just too much time on their hands. The ignorant comment from Assburgers just shows why some people shouldn’t be parents. Keep your chin up Charity — you’re a great mom!
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“How people treat you is their Karma, how you react is yours” I had to remind myself this after reading your horrendous post. My hope for you is that Karma is as forgiving as I am for your lack of compassion. And until you decide to grace this world with your offspring I recommend leaving ANY child rearing remarks, biased opinions without proper research/education on the topic and/or lack of experience as a parent to YOURSELF.